Romance scams

You don't have to be looking for love to be targeted by a romance scam. These scams can start on dating websites, but also on Facebook – including groups for hobbies, bereavement or carers – on Instagram, on WhatsApp, or even with a text message that seems to have been sent to the "wrong number".

Why they work

Romance scammers are skilled at reading people. They often target people who are lonely, recently bereaved or caring for a partner, and they offer what may be missing – attention, kindness and hope. None of us thinks clearly when our feelings are involved, and that's exactly what they rely on.

Being taken in by a romance scam is nothing to do with intelligence. These are professional criminals, and they fool people every day.

How the scam usually goes

• A friendly first message – a friend request, a comment, or "Sorry, wrong number!"
• Lots of attention and flattery. They seem to share your interests and values.
• Moving the conversation. They'll ask to move off the dating site or Facebook onto WhatsApp or text messages, where nobody is watching out for scams.
• Reasons not to meet. They're often "working overseas" – on an oil rig, in the army, or as a doctor with a charity. Plans to meet always fall through.
• Keeping it secret. "Your family won't understand."
• Then, money. A sudden emergency – hospital bills, customs fees, a plane ticket to come and see you – or an "investment opportunity", often in cryptocurrency, that has supposedly made them rich. Some ask you to receive money or parcels and pass them on, which could involve you in a crime.

Video calls are no longer proof

It used to be said that a scammer would never video call. Today, criminals can use artificial intelligence (AI) to fake a face and voice on a video call. A video call on its own doesn't prove someone is who they say they are. Someone genuine will be happy to meet you in a public place.

How to protect yourself

• Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you've only met online – however convincing their story.
• Keep conversations on the dating site or app, where they're monitored.
• Talk to someone you trust. If someone asks you to keep your relationship secret, that's a big warning sign.
• Check their photos. A reverse image search (for example, with Google Lens) can show whether their pictures have been taken from someone else. We can show you how.
• Don't share personal documents such as your passport or driving licence, or your bank details.
• Be honest with your bank. If your bank asks about a payment, tell them the truth. If anyone tells you to lie to your bank, it's a scam.

Remember the A, B, C: Assume nothing, Believe nobody, Check everything.

Worried about someone else?

Signs might include someone becoming secretive about a new online friend, getting defensive when asked about them, asking to borrow money, or making unusual payments. Raise it gently and without judgement – people often feel embarrassed, and they need to know they can come to you.

If it has happened to you

Please don't blame yourself, and don't stay silent. Contact your bank straight away. If you were tricked into making a bank transfer, you may be able to get your money back – since October 2024, banks have had to reimburse most victims of bank transfer scams. Reporting also helps the police track down the criminals and protect others.

---

Think you've been scammed?

• Contact your bank straight away, or call 159 to reach your bank's fraud team.
• Report it to Report Fraud (which replaced Action Fraud in December 2025): reportfraud.police.uk or 0300 123 2040.
• Forward scam emails to report@phishing.gov.uk
• Forward scam texts to 7726 – it's free, and goes to your mobile network.
• For support, contact Victim Support: www.victimsupport.org.uk (opens in a new tab) or 08 08 16 89 111.

Please don't feel embarrassed – scammers are professionals who fool people every day. Reporting helps stop them.

Need a hand?

Not sure whether something is a scam? Bring it along and we'll check it with you. Our friendly volunteers can help at our free sessions:

• Mondays 10am–12noon – St Wilfrid's Church Hall, Burgess Hill
• Thursdays 10am–12noon – Spire Café, St John's Church, Burgess Hill
• Haywards Heath – Bentswood @ No.34, America Lane (by appointment)

Call 07349 916841 or email spire.computer.help@gmail.com. No question is too small.

The Spire Computer Help Team